The grief is not depression. It flows steadily and still allows a fragrant spring evening or bird song through. For the first time in my whole life it is OK to be sad about the way things are. And yet I struggle to know what to do with it all. In the moments when I get frustrated it bottles up and turns to anger and I explode over something minor like a muddy German Shepherd. I observe that I need to keep the river of grief flowing out of me wide. I can’t narrow the river.
There are so many things that are difficult. I am all blocked up with my business work. I am sad, and my sadness is obscuring good work and positive steps forward. I have the privilege to have time to exercise, to write, to meditate. I am doing all the things. I am taking good care of myself and still the grief flows like a massive angry rapid pouring out of my heart. So, when I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do, I just let it pour out. Empty me out, clean me out so that I feel empty, open and energized to do the work required of me to move along the path toward a better future.
I take refuge from all the uncertainty in the act of sewing up my blouse patterns. I love it so much. And still some evenings I am so exhausted I can hardly lift my head up.
In the quiet I hear that we need to listen. Hear the truth, digest it, grieve and move forward. I observe that much of our government exists as a sort of shadow, casting the shadow of what we built. We may not like the look of it. And it won’t really be there for us in the way we need it until we build it a new. I get so mad when someone talks about building the same thing we had before, because I don’t want to lay one more brick down on this foundation that is falling on top of us. Sinking us. Sinking our economy, tying us to our homes. Not one more brick. This is my grief.
So please. Let your grief flow. Listen, be here, take in the information, make space to feel the feels, and use what is left in that big space, that big space that the river of grief made, the widening banks which will propel you forward. That will allow all the energy to flow through and out of you. That will allow that energy to build something beautiful. Don’t get stopped up with the past. With what could have been.
Please share this with someone who needs it.
I believe in you. I believe in our future together. Go, fight, win.