I have struggled with what to write about today. How do I share useful words when I myself am in a fog? So I am going to write about that today. Last week I came down with a bug. It’s that time of the year but it always seems so inconvenient. I was getting my Christmas packages together, I haven’t decorated the house yet, I was on a roll creatively with the designs – I just wanted to drink a peppermint mocha, create in my workshop, be with my new friends in town, soak in love and support for my grief filled heart, and do some Christmas shopping. To add to all that, I was feeling well past ready to have a sense for where the textile work I had invested in this year was going to take me in 2024. But the bug said – you need to rest now, and left me in a fog, a state of being disconnected from the world around me. I was neither able to perceive things accurately nor sense my place in my surroundings. It is a deeply uncomfortable feeling to think – who is going to be steering this vehicle if I am not?
In this fuzzy fogginess the quiet message I was hearing was – take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time. On Sunday evening I was finally able to leave the house after a few days stuck at the house resting, heading out at the last possible moment to get supplies for a Christmas party I was attending. Drew, my partner, was not thrilled because the fog was thick. But in it – in the fog, on the dark gray roads, carefully following the double yellow lines, going slowly with the road to myself, this message settled in. The fog was thick. I needed to drive very slowly. I needed to pay attention to the yellow lines on the road and drive slow enough that I would not outpace the lines that I could see and the direction they were headed to. And there it was – when we are in a fog we need to slow down, take it one very small stretch of road at a time. Focus on that stretch of road. Settle in. You are in the fog. You cannot go fast. Indeed it is dangerous to do so.
As we settle in to focus on this small stretch of road and weather the fog we can regroup with our intentions. It is so easy – when things are moving quickly or even steadily to just roll from one thing to the next and then wonder what happened to the desire to get a friend over or to finally get around to decorating.
With the intense pressure during the holiday to pack in the events, overdue it with treats and socializing and then spend the first part of the new year recovering prior to just rolling into the unfolding year – maybe sitting in the fog, in the darkness is exactly what we need. If we turn down the volume of all these distractions, what do we want in 2024, what do we need? How might we be more intentional about making that happen?
I am cheering you on through this time until we find ourselves together again next year. I likely will not write next Tuesday during the holidays, so please have a safe, love and light filled holiday.
Go, fight, win.