I wanted to share an experience I had last week with you. I’m aware that all of us are in some way struggling through the unknown. Last week I found myself really churned up with the thought of sending the first 5 final Boss Blouse patterns to Sew Co., our manufacturing partner in North Carolina, taking that step and letting go of it. I had set myself the deadline for last Friday. While the patterns were mostly done – there was plenty of work to get them in the shape they needed to be for Sew Co. to print them and cut them out.
So I set about doing a few hours each day to get them ready. And I found myself feeling so anxious about it – so many mixed emotions – would they be good enough? What if I made a mistake? The perfectionist in me was revving up and making lots of noise. And then I would sit down and do the work, and would find so much peace there, so much love. Love for the blouses, the whole project concept, and the individual clients all wrapped up into one activity.
When I found myself in a col du sac of perfectionism, I wound remind myself that this is an experiment. It is a project. Nobody knows what is going to happen next. I am doing the work because it is what I am called to do, not because I know, or can control what will happen.
That was all fine and well until I got to Friday – a few more hours of work left finalizing the patterns and I awoke with a huge sense of resistance. I can’t send them today, can I?! They aren’t ready?! That is when I forced myself to sit down, do the work and pulled out the big guns – in this case big words that would fortify my heart and mind to get it out. Fellow entrepreneur, Julia Piatt, shared the following on The Rich Roll Podcast I had listened to earlier in the week regarding creative work:
It’s the devotional part that frees you. If you understand that it is not you but it’s the breath working through you, then you can […] become devotional to that life force and serve that life force (Julia Piatt on Soul Evolution, Sacred Embodiment, and Falling In Love With Yourself – The Rich Roll Podcast, exerted from 31 min 20 seconds)
Oh right. This work is not mine. I’m not wholly responsible. I’m cocreating. I’m in service to it. I feel this love here because it is my work, but I’m not alone here AND I’m not responsible for the outcome. I am just required to find the courage to keep showing up and working with the devotion I feel. And when I remember that devotion – that I am here because of that devotion, a calm descends over the work and there I am again, quietly creating in that moment – the good stuff.
I share this with you because I wrestle with my creativity, my mind. I feel a deep and life sapping sense of despair when my mind gets in the way of my creativity. The work is mostly made up of teeny tiny victories that seem too silly to mention to anyone (I got the snaps right on my wrap pant pattern!?). Words like Piatt’s that can reunite me with my work table or ferret me out of the laundry room or my email and get me to do the work – are priceless. I hope they inspire you to show up for the things you love and feel liberated to keep doing them.
Go, fight, win.